What a dangerous juxtaposition of hashers to pair as hares: Cyberseptic and Full Member. Ominously we had been told to assemble at 11 o'clock sharp so as to be back at the Punchbowl in Underbarrow by 2 o'clock. London marathon runners can go round (London that is, not Underbarrow) nearly 1.5 times in that sort of time.

It is also unusual to have a complement of 2 hares accompanying the hounds and what's more with one or the other of them front-running. Now forgive me if I've got this wrong, but I understood that in hashing the hares lay the flour before the hash, yet on more than one occasion the front running hounds suddenly found themselves a) reversing the route, b) at the back and c) following flour that had not been there when they had passed a while before.

So the game was hare number 1 lures front running hashers siren-like into a trap whilst hare number 2 quietly puts fresh route arrows for the trailing pack.

Indeed by the time I'd overtaken the Knitting Circle for the fourth time in half an hour I was about ready for a lie down. For the sun was beating down and the gradients were steep and I was glowing or perspiring, whatever it is that men do. I think the girls were sweating.

But this was Lakeland at its best: blue skies, fresh spring greenness, and higher up, the glacier scraped roots of ancient mountains sculpted into miniature parallel rocky ridges. Violet violets vied with yellows of daffodils, cowslips and celandines for attention, and even the bluebells were revealing a bit of blue here and there.

The Rambos got some loopy extras, but cracking views from them and the beer stop was an idyllic stream with a clapper bridge. Cyber got his kit off and waded in. Fortunately candiru fish are not found in Cumbrian streams (google it and then add a 5 letter word beginning with p and ending with s).

We arrived back earlier than expected and pretty much together (Morticia applauds the hares for achieving this ensemble). Lunch was served outside by an outrageously camp couple. They were fascinated by the hash names and I could see a glint of excitement when Full Member announced his hash name. I was gently reminded not to repeat a slight Faux Pas I had once made where I accidentally replaced 'Full' by what felt like a synonym.

Down downs awarded:

• Hares for being good hares or bad hares depending on whether you were Knitting Circle or Front Runner.
• Lurch for allegedly insulting Twisted with some chance remark about Bitter's body (which was revealed to the Hash in the last mile).
• The yellow haberdash bedecked members for looking too like Bitter from a distance (apart from when revealing his body) and confusing Twisted who thought Bitter had taken to front running.
• Dormouse took a penalty for ineptitude and blindness whilst front-running.
• To Bubbles for being guilty (perhaps getting to the pub too quickly, not rubbing out checks, not calling).

And we had some virgins, Carol and John, sensibly have now been on our hash on no fewer than three occasions and were therefore christened: welcome Gold Top and Full Fat.