Invigilator’s report :-

Candidates: various hashers of questionable fitness and brain power.

Subject: Field Endurance and Booze Studies.

Duration: as long as it takes.

Conditions: Too hot, not enough shiggy.

Special Instructions: You may not leave trail once started unless the bull really is in the field and starts chasing you. Mobile phones and gps strictly prohibited.

As the High Bentham clock struck six, candidates gathered, pretending to know what they were doing. Said candidates were told to go past the pub, down the road, over the bridge and pick up trail on the left, with Rambos going right on the main road. Several candidates demonstrated incompetence in compass-free travel.

Bonus points should be awarded to candidates with bare legs (nettles and bites).

Notably, during part 1 of the exam, one candidate (WN) took a diversionary tactic and banged repeatedly on a metal gate with her other half’s walking stick (which she’d failed to hand over at the start) to help other candidates cheat their way across the field. But said banging summoned a herd of cows and the actual BULL IN FIELD. Candidates had to quickly re-evaluate route choice and climb the gate or stile to avoid diving into the nearby hedge.

On return into the village Sir Tom Tom could be seen wearing out his natty-trainer leather, pacing up and down, checking his watch, wondering where we were, and could be heard saying to a r*nning club that was passing “I wish my lot was as fast as you”.

No time left for accusations of cheating, no singing, no down downs. Into the pub for a much-needed cool drink and delicious food as always, where we were mistaken for a group of swingers because of our strange hash names being called out by the waitress!

On On!