Billed rather modestly as the "rehash", this was a prime example of bravery above and beyond the call of duty. Large Package, who, just two weeks previously, had been stricken with a disease so terrible that the finest medical minds in the country at one stage gave him just minutes to live, rose up from his death bed like a modern-day Lazarus, brushed aside the attendant priests gathered there to administer the last rites, and hauled his pain- and fever-wracked body round mile after agonising mile of countryside, spurred on by the knowledge that, should he fall by the wayside and succumb to his terrible malady, this trail would be his legacy to LVH3 and the world. A medal wouldn't even come close to recognising such courage and fortitude. Arise, Sir Package - now that would be more like it.

Anyhow, enough of Large Package's man flu. Thankfully, we all finally got to savour the delights of r*n 898 (or should it be 896 bis?) as otherwise we would have missed a real treat. Also, the day highlighted some operational failings in our organisation which we need to address before the next Ofhash inspection, and we really don't want to be put in special measures, do we?

Admittedly, progress has been made in one area at least. By embedding someone with youth and intelligence (I'm talking Cotside Manner here) in their ranks, we have finally managed to prevent the Rambos from getting lost. Sadly, though, the problem now lies with the Knitting Circle, and their unwillingness even to acknowledge that they are directionally challenged. Sorry folks, but when you disappear totally from view, even when those in front can see every inch of the intended route, you are OFF TRAIL!  Arriving over ten minutes late at the beer stop when you were just two minutes behind is, let's face it, a bit sus.....

Another problem: the expanding waistlines of certain hashers (not me, of course) and the increasing difficulty in negotiating some of the pinch stiles, which were obviously built in an era when people did not have enough to eat. And it's not just our increasing width that's becoming an issue - one hasher has been diagnosed with height loss, as became apparent when she stood next to her daughter.

Accordingly, I recommend immediate implementation of the following measures: 1. All hashers to be microchipped to enable speedy location and recovery in the event of loss; 2. Compulsory polygraph tests for hashers who claim to have been following the trail but who were in fact lost; 3. Rambos to be accompanied by someone intelligent at all times; 4. All hashers to be placed on a diet of lettuce leaves and water; 5. The width of pinch stiles to be included in the risk assessment for each r*n; 6. Bedside Manner to wear platform shoes and walk on stilts.

All in all, a grand day out followed by an excellent carvery at Newby Bridge Hotel. Thanks for giving us a second chance to do this one, LP!

On on to Meal Bank Bridge, Wray, on the 13th!!