Having arrived in good time for the start of the hash and proffering a bag of sweeties to our fellow hashers, it didn’t bode well that the Hares were conspicuous by their absence. Their car indicated they were at least in the vicinity but based on the usual length of their r*ns, they could have been miles away for all we knew. The snow was falling heavily and we were getting very cold and wet waiting around, so an executive decision was made (but not sure which exec’ hound made it) to set off without the Hares.

A check under the bridge took our merry band away from the main road and after a few more checks, we stumbled across the Hares who were heading back exhausted after being out since the wee small hours setting the trail. Having exchanged pleasantries (like where the hell were you two etc!) we continued on trail and eventually entered a narrow (but very long) footpath which we were later informed (by the Fat Controller) ran from Cartmel Priory to Kendal and was used by the Priors (see I was listening in the pub)! Fortunately the trail took us to neither Cartmel or Kendal (these being miles away) and instead popped us out near Cark I think... but who cares anyway?!

The Rambo/Wimp split arrived and having just got over my recent foot op’, I stupidly went for the Rambo option, not knowing that I was the only stupid hound that did! I found myself with several checks to check out and after what seemed like hours lost in the snow-capped deserted fells utterly alone (apart from sheep) and very frightened, I eventually stumbled across the Hares again (and very relieved I was to see them)! I was told I was about 10 minutes behind the rest of the hounds (all WIMPING) but more importantly...... I hadn’t missed the beer stop!

The terrain by this stage was wooded with lots of ups and downs and meandering from side to side (we later heard the Hares had got lost setting the trail so fumbled around themselves for a few hours till they got back on trail)! Bubbles eventually led the pack back on the trail but not before he made me share the last of my sweeties out with the leading hounds! Fortunately the sweeties “put us on” until we reached the beer stop, hidden in the usual SB and DM fashion in a rucksack behind a tree. We delighted in the refreshments – in particular the very expensive “continental” biscuits and were even more delighted when we were advised by the Hares that we were 75% of the way round. Unfortunately the last 25% seemed more like 50% but eventually we trucked back up at the start (having nearly lost Upperskirt when she decided to go back on the Out trail at the very same spot she got lost last time we hashed this area)!.

We couldn’t be ar**d to have a circle as some of us couldn’t feel our hands or feet (or ar**) at this stage, so we set off up the road to the ON INN where us “ladies” changed in lovely warm toilets. We had a lovely meal – very good quality food and ales (not too expensive) and the landlady was very nice and looked after us all very well. I for one would go there again! Perhaps if we ask the Hares nicely, they will set the same hash for us in warmer weather so we can linger over the views (which still looked amazing given the crap weather)?!

ON ON,
Twisted.
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