R*n 387: Ulpha

Yeah ok ,I turned up late on Saturday for the DV Weekend having been exiled in a different valley, which left me easy meat, while off guard, to be dobbed in as scribe by the old spinning bottle trick.

After a full brief from L&M we soon arrived at the first check whereupon the GM felt the need to give me a quick revision of hash etiquette. "3 blobs and your on" I bimbled and found my 3 blobs but as I prepared to bellow my proud "On On" I simultaneously heard the hash horn calling us all in the opposite direction. It transpired that Morticia had changed her mind when setting the course but had decided to leave the three blobs as an aid to confusion.

The hash was by now forming its regular pattern. Dormouse and Full Member striding boldly out in front. Baldbrick using all his cunning to avoid running back at a fish hook . "My policy is to stop 10yards short Slacky," he told me. "So technically speaking as I haven't arrived I don't need to go back."

Finally bringing up the rather outsized rear; The Knitting Circle which has grown over the years into a shapeless rabble. Oh yes nearly forgot right at he back, Wednesday who had been "tending the vegetation."

On on, and after much confusion (hereafter referred to as "AMC"), stepping stones over The Duddon. The trouble was one of the stones was awol and there followed various acts of chivalry in keeping fellow hashers dry. None more so than Lurch's footsy technique which left the ladies (and men )swooning in admiration at his selfless act of self sacrifice.

AMC and some clues from the hare a wooded track ascended the hillside and AMC a spoil tip was arrived at, which AMC Lurch revealed as The Beer Stop.

How we all admired Cyber's selection of real ale bitter. There has ne'er been a finer beerfest than this hash beer stop.

Swilling and merrily cavorting, swaying and singing we gambolled on with no fear through a bull field with Balders waving his red smock provocatively in the large beast's face.

AMC Back to Ulpha whereupon.....................!

Gay abandon as lady hashers, led by White Noise stripped and flung themselves into the depths of The Duddon much to the horror of the startled onlookers from the bridge. It didn't end there as Lurch then felt a sudden urge to fling himself from the bridge and into the icy murk.

Down downs...........

• Hash Haberdash Code Breaches(various)-Lady Jayne, Sir Tom Tom
• True Spirit of Fish Hook Breach-Baldbrick
• Wetting of Vegetation-Slackbladder,Wednesday,Upperskirt
• Self Admiring Whilst Wetting of Vegetation -Lurch
• Sh*t Beer Buyer and Hash Fund Waster-Cyberseptic

plus many more but the extra strong beer I was supping was now clouding my memory.

On Inn was The Black Cock at Broughton-in-Furness. If you ever go, the beer garden is hidden upstairs at back of pub. Ale passed the smile test.