R*n 287: Lancaster University

Being a lot of ignorant b******s the hares decided we all needed some education so they sent us all to university for a Sunday morning lecture. The course included a historical study tour of the local canal system, a geographical tour of the local roads, railways, motorways and a few agricultural views of muddy fields. I can confidently report the number of canal barges sighted was 0 and a similar number of kingfishers were spotted by the biological students among us. Even the ducks found the weather too wet and muddy to venture out today. After splashing along the towpath for several miles there was a refreshment stop, then more miles of towpath to a bridge that looked just like the first one. On emerging we had to ascend a mountain graced with a trig point on its lofty summit at an elevation of 59m above sea level. From this enormous height we could see distant views of that LVH3 mascot Heysham Power Station without which no run is complete as well as some distant mountains of even greater height and a closer view of several Virgin Pendelinos heading for Lancaster station. We descended the summit ridge, discarding our oxygen masks, and ascended into the even loftier heights of the ivory towers where hashers tried unsuccessfully to mingle inconspicuously with the few students still attending the last weekend of term.

The closing lecture included some dressing down of wayward students who had failed to learn anything from the lecturers’ admonitions and were still blatantly disobeying rules as follows:

• Being fool enough to set a run
• Being foolish enough to be a visitor (never again says John!)
• Running up and down the same mountain twice
• Wearing matching yellow gear (Mrs Shiplettes Triplets)
• Wearing a dinner jacket on the run
• And finally for being stupid enough to complete 101 runs – a special tankard quite unlike the one awarded at 100 runs.

We then adjourned to the refectory for roast beef and gravy but no chips and no beer. The chips were rated 0 for non appearance but the gravy was good!

We all hope next year’s lecture course is more productive and we all learn not to make the same mistakes!

Merry Christmas and On On