R*n 250: Levens

AN IMPORTANT HEALTH WARNING IS ENCLOSED

Arriving late is always a mistake- you get this job

Arriving late and with a tan is a mistake - you get this job and a whole load of grief!

I arrived late. At Levens ,dropped off by my father who went on kindly to Kendal to get a punctured tyre replaced, whilst I ran around with a group of tartan clad (well most of them) hashers.

Off to an early check, not along the level as Major Twit and I checked, but of course UP the hill. Through the village and more UP, then through fields, over hill and dale. A kissing gate, more running, a kissing gate, more running, a kissing gate. I forget how many, but there end result will be a major cross infection of the pack of that well known bacterium “Staph. Hashacoccus”.  See later

Appropriate libation at the drinks stop was available. A final fishhook  got the pack more or less together by the end of the run.

Down Downs to

• The hares- a good run, but who may  unwittingly be responsible for an epidemic of a nasty case of  S.Hashacoccus
• Master Baker, Upper Skirt, Feels on Wheels - no tartan worn (after strict instructions from the hares to do so.. So why were 2 of them guilty??)
• Syd - going for a “posh pee” in Seizergh Castle caf?, instead of in the bushes, like the rest of us
• Someone - for confusion of sex at a kissing gate,  ( I was so busy writing the previous bit down I missed this bit, but I think it was not the hasher’s lack of insight of their own sex, but who they were meant to be kissing, but hey who knows. This is the hash after all!)
• Full Member - using a mobile on the run  and also the most dreadful socks and sandals in the circle.
• No More Cum - for firstly being beaten back by his daughter but sin of sins not allowing her to get chips and gravy after the run because he wanted to get back to watch the football. SIN
• Minor Tw*t - best tartan skirt, but what was under ? (I didn’t see as yet again I was so busy writing all of this down!)… so show me next time please.
• RA- back in for groping male hashers

I enclose some important information released by the Ministry of Health for the attention of all the readers of this leaflet

Name:  Staph. Hashacoccus

Mode of Infectivity:  Activity at kissing gates

Incubation Period:  about 2 weeks

Signs and Symptoms:  loss of tartan which was present at the time of infectivity desire to run around the countryside in a pack

Cure:  none known

p.s. on my return home my father informed me that not only had I had to get 1 new tyre, not 2, not 3... but 4.….yes 4 new tyres!!!! That’s the last time I let him out alone in my car!!