Standing in a car park (CP) on the edge of a wood in a circle with my fellow hasher s at the start of r*n 379 in Silverdale (SD), I think many of us had lost the will to live when being provided with complex verbal instructions (CVI) – including acronyms (ANs), from the hare – Sir Tom Tom (STT). Not only were there several Wimp/Rambo (W/R) splits, but there were also various permutations within the splits with Long and Short options (L/S)! I had tuned out after several minutes of his ANs and decided STT had far too much time on his hands and should therefore “stay in more” (SIM) as when he did go out, he obviously spent far too much time thinking up complicated hashing routes. Perhaps he could stay at home (SAH) and practise his domestic god tricks (DGT) and come up with the perfect ratio of washing up liquid to water (WULTW) to ensure the softest hands whilst still being economical?

During the 10 minutes of incomprehensible instructions (ICH) from the hare including ANs, I complained about the write-up (WU) not being done by Speedbump (SB) and Dormouse (DM) from a r*n about 10 weeks ago and was duly appointed scribe duties (SD) by the self appointed GM - Bubbles! It was Feels on Wheels’ (FOW) fault as she suggested we should fine them a £1.00 for every week it was outstanding and I (loudly) agreed! Eventually we set off along the attractive roads of SD and I remembered we had been told by STT to look out for extra flour (EF) as this “meant something was about to happen” and it did….we set off up a little footpath off-road! Think my expectations got the better of me as expected “something exciting” to happen when we encountered EF (which we did on many occasions) whereas all we got was a change in direction! Shame on you STT for getting our hopes up!

Anyway, after lots of twisted’s and turns, Major Twit (MT) and I found ourselves alone together on the R/L and we eventually ended up at the “Pepper Pot” (PP), which despite spending many hours enjoying SD in the past, I had never been to before. They must have only recently built this little monument to someone or other and it was a nice surprise to find the Beer Stop (BS) there along with a few other hashers whom we thought we would never see again as they did the W/S. Just as we had taken a small pleasure from the drinks (and complained about no biscuits as STT had not bothered to carry any up the hill from his car), we left (following receipt of further CVI including more ANs from STT and passed SB and DM who as usual had arrived late and still without their WU!

We carried on to Arnside Tower (AT) with a fabulous viewpoint (VP) and following the CVI (including further ICH and ANs) from STT received at the PP (aka BS), we searched and eventually found the on trail (OT). Unfortunately some of the others arriving later at AT were not so fortunate and spent much time looking for the OT as STT had not bothered to lay any flour here! We carried on through further fields/woods etc around SD and after locating a further W/R split, we turned left at the well marked post (WMP) to do the R split. This took us around in a big circle along a lovely track through woods and back towards the last junction of the day which was not marked so well by STT (despite him having loads of flour left in his possession). We hedged our bets at the junction and eventually arrived back at the CP to find some of the wimps back already – all of us having missed the fishhook (FFH). Being the caring sharing (CS) types, we walked back and marked the intrail (IT) with some extra flour and spent some time looking for our respective husbands MT and B, to no avail. They eventually trucked up after Mrs MT and I had frozen our butts off and got blue lips waiting for them to give us access to our warm dry clothes, they having missed the WMP and done the R split!

Anyway, back in the CP, Down Downs (DD) were given to STT (great r*n despite the CVI etc), Mr MT and B for having missed the WMP, SB and DM for being late and not doing their WU and finally, AS and CS for wearing odd shoes!

Over and Out (OAO), ON ON (OO) and CU Soon.