Now mathematics as everyone knows is an esoteric subject not to be tackled by the faint-hearted, nor of course is hashing, particularly if the hares are firemen or Septics.   Fewer people know that it has other similarities with hashing:  try it and you can get to grips with "field theory" or "group theory", but it may surprise you to learn that "hashing" is a means of finding things quickly on a computer!

The Septics as we all know are a brainy bunch, I hear Septic Canary has a maths degree and Cyberseptic was christened on account of working for a computer company.

At the Baines Cragg car park, we assembled hares listened as Cyberseptic revealed their hitherto secret and revolutionary new set of hashing rules.  We listened, but could not understand "The checks have no false trails marked... have faith the first marking after the check may be some way away... where there is a fork the route may go either way, you need to check... do not be alarmed if you think you have been there before..."  Of course faith is difficult when you have no RA, but the hash mismanagement has contingency plans in place and will be bringing us a cardboard replica, so that will make everything all right.  But for now we have visions of spiralling around the car-park until the moon comes up.

Hares split at the start, Wimps left (North), Rambos right.  First check and it should have been time to apply field theory and leave the road.  Got it wrong and ended up toiling back up a steep hill (the first of many steep hills) and applied group theory:  follow everyone else.

Down into Littledale and across Udale beck then up to Field Head and confusion - where is the way? The weight of all the instructions that we carried sapped our strength under the blazing sun and we slowed.  Then it dawned that the new instructions could be transformed into simpler instructions:  you are on route if you see flour otherwise you may or may not be lost.  So you see, like maths the results can be blindingly simple and I've got wicked ideas for an even more minimalist hash run: in which we dispense with flour altogether, and it will save time setting the run.

Ah some flour, so it is down again to Littledale Hall and over ArtleBeck and some welcome water supplied by Antiseptic.

Another split here, an up then down once more to Udale Beck and that strange feeling of déjà vu (any Monty Python fans out there?).  But this time there is a new chalk mark and we break out of this circle onto a few more hills to take us back to the hash circle.

In the circle we discuss renaming "No More Cum" to "Cum No More" (he's in Yorkshire  due to a hash clash).

Down downs to:

• Hares ("ecowarriors" for marking economy)
• GM (for thinking it was an A to B run and leaving his knob behind)
• Hash Drunk ("deviant farm animal")
• Hares again (GM hates rhododendrons)
• Toothfairy (being posh)
• Fowl Scrotum (being stroppy)
• Malfunction (stylish socks)
• Roz and Toothfairy again (showing pierced belly)
• P-Dough and Fishnets (Canoodling, deviation and not trusting GM).

Thanks to Septics for a great run and a superb barbeque.  Did Toothfairy know that the volume of that mighty bit of stallion that she was cooking on the barbecue was proportional to the cube of its length (about a meter!)?