In addition to the above, we were pleased to welcome the following guesst r*nners: Hand Job (NH3), Boghopper (SH4), Chunderwoman (SH4), Give Her One (SH4), making a total of 19 hounds.

"Bit warm in here, isn't it", observed Morticia, throwing yet another log on the fire. Sadly, warmth and comfort were soon to become fond memories as the Ninebanks Nineteen assembled fully-costumed for the Halloween run. Yes, it was two days early, but Cyber had been dying to don his fishnets once more and could hold back no longer.

What a collection of gruesome, ugly, twisted and contorted faces! Fortunately, things improved after they put on their masks. No mask for Lurch, however, as Morticia led him in bleeding from what seemed like a thousand cuts. Perhaps a visit to Relate would enable them to settle their disputes more amicably.

No chance of White Noise going down the marriage guidance route, though; she had decided it was time to bump off the hubby and claim on the life insurance policy, persuading Off His Trolley that tying a white plastic bag over his head would render him more ghost-like, while failing to point out that it would actually turn him into a real ghost. Luckily, the bag interfered with the functioning of certain electronic appliances he was in the habit of using, and he was forced to rip it off, thereby avoiding certain suffocation. Don't try this one at home, children!

R*n? Yes, there was a r*n, but it was dark and I haven't a bl**dy clue what was going on. We started r*nning on a hard bit, then a squelchy bit, then we fell into ruddy great holes in the middle of the squelchy bit, then it got hard again and we went to bed. Had the hares done their duty and laid on floodlighting, I might have been able to tell you more, but they didn't, so I can't, so tough!

Incidentally, nice place that Ninebanks. It's nice to be able to go into a hostel without feeling the need to have a course of inoculations first. Clean, comfy, en suite showers and toilets - definitely the de luxe end of the YH spectrum.

Finally, well done to the ladies in the soup kitchen and well done to us all for surviving the evening even though Morticia withheld most of the bread ration.